Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
