i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
