you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
