my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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