Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
