i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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