You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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