If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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