i just wanna soil my oats bro
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
