...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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