i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
