his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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