If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
