Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
