i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
