Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
