Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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