Don't make out with my wife yet
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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