Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
