Is it because I queefed?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
