lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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