I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
