Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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