broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
