Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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