i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
