I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
