he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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