I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
