I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
