Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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