the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize