if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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