the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
