i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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