How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
