i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
