i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
