You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
