I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
