i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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