i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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