He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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