it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
