I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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