He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
