well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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