Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
