i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
