Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
