You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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