So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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