So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize