He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
