Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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