Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
