You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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