oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We are two peas in an std pod
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
