honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
