remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
