This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
