Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
