He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
