he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
