Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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