so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
