just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
