My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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