LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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